My 48th Birthday

I have no idea what I did for my 48th birthday. Scrolling through Facebook I see that I met Craig for an Indian at lunchtime but then I'm drawing a blank on the day's events and the following weekend.

It must have been so astronomically fantastic and wine-infused that I've forgotten! Maybe we danced till dawn and laughed till we cried. Or maybe it was so fantastically boring that there's nothing to remember. Or maybe I have early dementia.


So anyway, I'm 48. It's hard to lose weight and it hurts when I fall.  But I've accepted dust and rolling pet hair and dishes in the sink. That's right - I can go to bed with a dirty house! I genuinely don't care too much what people think of me. I'm much more confident than a younger me,  and I speak up for myself. I always sit at the table in a work meeting. I rarely feel shame or shyness.  I have started thinking about death and my health but I think that's because I lost Eric and Darian so young. Still, I think I should be doing more to stay healthy.

I do feel like a grown-up, but not completely. Someone told me recently that you don't feel like a grown-up until you have lost your parents. That's a sad & scary thought. Not one I want to stew on.

I like being 48! I love my life and my family and friends, and I'm incredibly lucky to be healthy. Here's to a fantastic year!