New Year, New Resolutions

We hosted a New Year's Eve party last night with school friends. These "Ladies of the PTA" are my go-to ladies for advice, support, therapy and of course fun. We had waaaaay too much fun last night but I have no regrets.

I'm not going to lie, I'm glad to see the end of 2016. It can kiss my ass.

There were some high points, like our trip to Canada with Leanne and the boys and then my trip to England in November where I got to see my family and my mate Sue. And I got to spend more time with my cousin Kay, who is like my soul sister. The boys had a good year and we're all healthy and comfortable and safe, which is the main thing in life. But there was just too much sadness and despair.  My dad had a big operation and my uncle was diagnosed with mesothelioma. I lost my friend Darian at just 47 years old.  The loss of all the famous people was upsetting too of course but the big crapfest of the year was the election. It's going to take me a long time to get my faith back in humanity after so many people voted for the orange idiot. I do feel a lot better than I did in November but still, so long 2016, you are banished from memory!

Onward and upward to 2017!  My resolutions for this year are:

1. To look after myself!! To lose weight and get healthy. This will include walking a lot more, which my dog Ben will also benefit from. Buy nice clothes for myself, have more baths, stop letting some people control me (the same people do this, over and over. This year it stops). To spend more time in the garden and more time reading.

2. To have a fantastic trip to England with my neighbors.

3. To send less time looking at my phone.

4. To get our pop-up camper out ASAP and get camping!

5. To laugh more. Because my mood sets the mood for the house and if I'm pissed off and stressed so is everyone else. I used to think that the saying "If mum's not happy, no one's happy" meant that everyone had to keep mum happy. But it's actually the other way around. If I'm not happy, I have the power to make everyone else unhappy too. So happiness starts with me. Back to point 1.

6. To blog more.

Favourite Photos of 2016

With my mate Sue and her son Noah in the Hall of Mirrors

Best PTA in the USA

The original dinner club friends. Two have moved away, two have passed way, one has joined.

Jack and his cello

This man won an award for his hard work for the Cub Scouts

The pop-up camper. We love this thing!

In 2016 we celebrated 20 years of marriage

Little rebels at Mohican State Park

Sun kissed and happy 

A great holiday with Leanne & Dean

My dear friend Darian, who died much too young

My cousin Kay with Danny. They are kindred spirits.

Danny playing soccer

Hiking in December

Hiking in December

2nd Grade Picture

5th Grade Picture

My lovely cousin Julie, in Birmingham.

Dad, Jen, Sheila and me in Southport

My lovely mum. 

Annual picture with Santa

Char & Jan

Visiting Linda

Walking Ben

Cub Scouts has been a great experience

Braces!

My handsome boys

Living with people I don't agree with

I was dreading going to my work conference last week because I knew it was going to be a Trump love-fest.  My industry is 97% men, 3% woman. Of the 97% men I would bet that 99.9% of them are white and conservative (this year, the only black man there was the keynote speaker). This is how bad it is - I met a woman who's job is to introduce woman to the industry and when I asked about minorities she looked completely blank.... **crickets**  Our industry has a LOT of work to do.
I can literally count on one hand my secret allies I've met over the years that are liberal.

As I've said on here, since Nov 9th I have completely separated myself from people who voted from Trump. It's been a self preservation thing. If I hear one more GODAMN uninformed nasty thing about immigration, women, Mexicans, abortion and gay rights I mights just lose my mind.

So back to my conference, which I have loved for 17 years and I consider these people (white men) my "family".  I was dreading it. I didn't want any of these men getting in my face.

The first day I could see in one of my friend's eyes that it was a big elephant in the room. I saw it in his eyes. He knew I was mad, I knew he voted Trump. Eyes are the window's to your soul!  What brought us together was our friend that died, Darian. He was going to give an award in Darian's name the following day and he knew he'd cry and was worried. We talked, we both cried. I laughed with his fabulous wife, like I always do. I was reminded that I love these two people. I have no bloody idea why they voted for a moron, but they did, and it's not going to stop me loving them.

Next up, a longtime friend who confided that after 17 years of marriage he's separated. Heartbroken, missing his kids, at the lowest point of his life. I'd do anything for this friend. He voted Trump.
Tonight I sent him a message asking how he is and we chatted. I consider this guy one of my closest friends and feel like we can put politics aside.

So my conference was cathartic. I felt like I ran headlong into a wolf den and came out realizing that most of these wolves are still my friends. Yes, there are a handful that are NOT my friends, but they have always been that way.

I learned 2 things about the experience:

• I still like most of my friends, even though they voted for him
• I got my courage back, and did not let anyone there tell me bullshit

Still Grieving but Mad

I don't hate Trump, I really don't. He's a celebrity, a thin-skinned ass, he's never lived in our world and doesn't know how it works. I don't like him AT ALL,  but I don't hate him. He saw an opportunity and he took it. I consider him a tangerine ass.  Not kind, not educated, not liked.

What I'm still grieving about, still mooching, still sad about - is that Americans voted for the tangerine ass.

Senator John Glenn died today - what a class act.
President & First Lady Michelle will leave the White House - what a class act
All the Presidents from 1789 until 2016 -  what a class act

How did we, as people, elect a reality TV star with no experience, to the greatest job in the world

October 2016 - 1 Second a Day

I got out of the habit of doing these, but will try harder to make sure I keep going. Looking back and seeing the boys in old videos makes me realize how quickly they grow.

 

October 2016 from Pam on Vimeo.

Well Visits: Year 10 & 7

Playing Hooky at Wendy's

The boys had their annual well visits at the pediatricians this week. Here's the stats:

Jack  - wt. = 101 lbs.,  58" tall (85th %ile)

Danny - wt. = 61 lbs.,  53.5" tall (95th %ile)

Both had their flu shots. Danny begged for a mist but they don't make them anymore. He was persistent and said "If you have just one left, please give it to me!" I had to hold him a little during his shot, but he was a trooper.  We don't have any major issues going on with either of them. Jack's probably lactose intolerant so we chatted about that, but they are healthy overall. I'm very lucky.  Afterwards I took them to Wendy's for brunch as a treat.

They are both growing up to quickly. Gaining independence and questioning things.

Jack is playing the cello again (he ditched the loud blustery trumpet, thank goodness) and likes video games and soccer and hanging out with his friends outside. He's constantly pushing me on that, wanting to venture further out than I'd like but I know I have to give him a little freedom.
Danny loves Pokemon and his iPod and soccer and also hanging out with friends.

I wish both of them read more, sat down and drew or wrote more. But they are both so active that it's hard to reign them in and force them. But I know I need to do that more. Maybe when the weather gets colder.....

In Control of MY Happiness

I'll always be #WithHer

I'm crushed by the election result. We watched it at Erika's house and even had the audacity to wonder what time we could relax. "Think it'll be speeches by 11pm?"
I went to bed at 11pm still in denial, thinking I'd wake up this morning and it would be okay. But no. Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States.

He's not my President and if anyone tells me to buck up and come together, I'll tell them no. No I won't. I won't come together with a misogynist and a racist and someone who mocks the disabled.  No. And if anyone wants to know more about why I feel like that, I'll tell them to read this.

Today I was sad and I cried when I got up, in my car, and a little at my desk. I texted with friends and loved ones. We consoled each other at work and I hugged my kids a lot and told them not to be scared (yes, they were both scared). But a feeling of grief and sadness has hung on all day. I have literally felt sick and sad all day long.

But thank goodness for Pantsuit Nation! A secret Facebook group that is 3 million strong and full of women and men of all ages, colors, abilities and religions with one central connection - our love and support of Hillary Clinton. Today we cried together, shared stories, offered support, and so much more. The unique thing about Pantsuit Nation is that ALL members share the same sentiment. There's no arguing, no trolls, no nasty comments. Just us, all together.

And so today it felt like a penny finally dropped and I realized I CAN DO THE SAME THING WITH MY FACEBOOK PAGE! Why didn't I do this before? Why does my personal Facebook page give me anxiety and stress and sometimes make me feel bad because people post things that are rude or hurtful or against my values? Why am I allowing these people to have a negative impact on my life?  I'm in control of my happiness and I feel stupid that I let it go this long.

I'm not keeping score, but today I cleansed my page of a few toxic people. I blocked, I unfriended and I unfollowed and it felt GOOD. Not in a retaliatory way, but in a soothing way. A couple of times I actually hit the unfollow button, sat back in my chair and let out a big relaxed sigh. How amazing will it be to have my Facebook feed full of love, kindness and positivity from now on? It will be a beautiful thing.

Of course I'm mostly unfollowing, so people don't know and therefore won't have their feelings hurt (British to the end), but it's already helping me heal and feel good about life.
I wish I'd done this years ago.

The Last Time

Warm Buns

On the way home from scouts tonight, Danny sat in the front seat as it's just a short drive to our house. He put his heated seat on high and said "I like it on high Mom, it warms my buns".
As I laughed I reached across and held his hand all the way home. He looked at me and gave me his usual shy & genuine smile and said "Love ya mom" at least two times.

I'm only just realizing (duhhh) how important, how wonderful and how fleeting these moments are.

Need a Good Rant

Why do women do it all?

The..

Tidying
Kitchen cleaning & coffee
Gardening
Doctors appointments
Dentist visits
PTA
School communication
Laundry
Homework
School parties
Sports sign-ups
Summer camp sign ups
Vacation planning
Vacation bookings
Vacation packing
Sorting out babysitters
Sorting out pet sitters
Communicating with neighbors for their baby/pet sitting needs
Pet care & vaccinations and medicines
Vacuuming
Polishing
Sending thank you cards or messages for gifts
Buying gifts
Remembering people's birthdays
Buying furniture
Initiating house projects: painting, building, repairing, replacing.
Organizing social activities with friends

And then we work 40 hours a week.

I used to think I could do it all but I can't, Goddammit.   Maybe I should meditate.

What do other woman do?

Election Sickness

Classy

I can't wait for the election to be over. I've voted and I'm DONE and ready to party! Bring on November 9th and let's all try and not hate each other.

I've lived here 17 years this year and never known anything like this.  I don't mean the American public - there's always been far right, far left, & middle people. I've come across nut jobs from all across the spectrum here. But I'm pretty sure they are in every country.
What makes this election different is Donald Trump. He is not the normal candidate as he brings a fresh non-politics approach to the stage and he says what he thinks and he's real.
Apparently.
Let me write that sentence again. He is not the normal candidate (he's fucking completely, stark raving bonkers) and he brings a fresh non-politics approach to the stage (he has no idea about national or foreign policy) and he says what he thinks (he's racist and hates women and gays) and he's real (he's a narcissist who can't see his faults).

I remember November 8th, 2008 so well. I blogged about it, of course. Craig and I held hands in bed and had a little cry of relief and happiness that President Obama and First Lady Michelle got in. Hopefully I'll do the same for the first female President! If we take a step back in evolution and have a President like Trump I'll weep and probably go drinking with my nasty women friends for at least a week. He's too awful.

A 9-month abortion? That's called birth you moron!  And you will ban abortion.

You will de-fund Planned Parenthood who do cancer screenings, pap smears, STD screenings and birth control. Yes, and abortions.

You said you want to "punish" women who have abortions.   No words.

Mexicans are rapists? Bad hombres? Build a wall and make them pay.

Deport Muslims.

Don't allow refugees in.

Stop & frisk.

Nasty women, ugly fat pigs, a "4" at best. You currently have TEN women alleging assault.

The list goes on and on and on.....

He does have views on the economy (don't tax the rich) and health care (repeal whatever Obama did) but then he runs short. No mention of education or social security or anything substantial.

But there's HOPE

Each year my boys' elementary school "votes" for the President as part of the Scholastic learning experience, which is a nationwide vote.  Today they voted. We don't know the answer yet and might not until after the 8th, but the kids across America ALWAYS get it right.   I asked Jack how he thinks it went. He looked at me like I was nuts and said "Mom! Hillary, of course! No one would ever vote for Trump!"

Ohhhhh Jack I hope so.