Jack's Day

It's been a few weeks since my last post, mainly because I'm drowning.  Piled high on top of my head, like a stack of books in a posture lesson, is my grief about Eric, my homesickness for England, the stress of having a house guest for 5 months, a broken car that just doesn't seem to get goddamn repaired, and an ongoing bullying issue at school. Oh, and work. It's no wonder I drink. It's amazing that I'm not also doing drugs and talking to myself. Actually I do talk to myself but mainly in swear words.

So TODAY, finally, was something stress-free and happy. I tucked away my phone and gave my undivided attention to Jack. Each month at his school they have a pizza party for kids that have gone above and beyond by doing something kind. He got a certificate & wristband then I checked him out early and we went out, just us two.
He's been looking forward to it for weeks and had told all of his teachers I was going. Even made me go 10 minutes early so that I could escort him from class. He's desperate for time with me. I feel like such a terrible mother that he's feeling so desperate for my time. He told me 50 times this afternoon that he loved me and thanked me for being with him.  At 7pm when I made the decision to come home so we could watch a movie with Craig and Danny he said "No mum, I don't want this to end!" and my heart broke into a gazillion pieces. A wake-up call for me definitely, to slow down, to say "no" to some things and just spend time with him and my family.

I found myself looking at him in awe many times today, thinking "when did he get so funny/smart/entertaining/fun to be with". I seem to spend all my time correcting him and snapping at him but today I just sat back and enjoyed him and good grief, he's one amazing kid. He's very funny and sharp! I feel like such a fool for not seeing this sooner, for not realizing that he's growing up and these moments will be rare, because there will come a time when he doesn't long to be with me. I need to make hay while his sun shines.

With his friend David.
Jack: "He's such a good friend. He hugs me and makes me feel good"

With his "All Star" wrist band

We played mini golf then hit the batting cages.
I hid behind the token machine, convinced one of those balls were going to drop me to my knees 

DOUBLE chocolate brownie

A pet shop visit "Please mum?" At $3,000? I'll take two (not)!
I seriously hate these puppy-mill pets shops but it was his day, so I sucked it up


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